I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
