Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Randomize
