Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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