There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
