trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
