Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
