She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
