i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
