i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
