Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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