We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
