no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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