He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I think i got beer on your cat.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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