I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
You can't special order awesome
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
