for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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