We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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