He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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