I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
