Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
