I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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