Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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