Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
