Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
