Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize