It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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