There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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