I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
