So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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