about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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