I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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