it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
