its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
