it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
