there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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