You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
