I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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