It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
