covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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