She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
