Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
