can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
being pregnant is like rehab
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
