Plan B is the new Plan A
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
