There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
