could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
