I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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