i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
