I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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