It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
birth control should be required to get into college
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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