it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Damn victory sex feels great
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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