dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize