I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
