I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
