Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
