LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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