remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
