3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
