She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
