birth control should be required to get into college
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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