They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
