Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
