Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Randomize
