dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
