There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
