Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
we should paint friendship bongs
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize