are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
