The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
